I did not get the memo from the Homo High Council this week that today I needed to wear purple. I didn't see this posted in the newsletter. I did not receive a fax, a text message, a tweet, or even a smoke signal that Wednesday, October 20th, was purple day.
My phone is on and charged. My email accounts are active. I checked my mailbox twice this morning and waterboarded my mail lady to see if she'd been holding out on me but I had less luck than Dick Cheney finding bin Laden.
Nothing. Not a peep.
I'd still be clueless if it wasnt for the eggplant infusion of Facebook this morning. Apparently most of you have friends better placed than mine on the Homo HIgh Council.
I logged onto the website. My contact information hasnt changed. My dues are paid in full. My discount card at Sally Beauty Supply still works. I just dont get it.
Anyway, today is wear purple day. Problem one: I dont own anything purple. Correction: I DIDN'T own anything purple.
Pressed for time, I ran to a nearby big box mega mart...*cough*...and bought a purple shirt. The fact that this big box mega mart...*cough*...isnt exactly gay friendly probably negates any homo karma bonus points but you'll have that when the Homo High Council throws you to the wolves.
The above picture is of my outfit today. Purple simultaneously washes me out and flushes my cheeks. It is not a Dan friendly color. I look like a stroke victim. Never the less, this is my shirt of choice today.
So far I've had three people ask me if I'm a Vikings fan.
Being as the gay lobe of my brain is already dominant for the afternoon, it took a while to formulate the proper response. Gay brain worked through the question in this order:
Viking (noun) A superior but expensive brand of top of the line cooking appliances. A longtime sponsor of Good Eats on the Food Network. ANSWER: Yes I like Vikings a lot!
Viking (noun) A hairy warrior type of man prone to violence, sexy furry skirts, and say something hats. Visual Cue: A few of those hot guys on the Capital One commericals. What's in your wallet? Nothing right now but your phone number would fit nicely. ANSWER: Hell yes.
Viking (noun) A football player from Minnesota. ANSWER: Yes I'll take two.
I've distilled my response thus far to a simple yes. This seems to satisfy the masses at large.
Oh, and one person told me I looked like an eggplant.
They're possibly dead now. I didn't have on my furry skirt and say something hat but violence and I go way back together...