Jan. 20th, 2011

Clean

Jan. 20th, 2011 02:57 pm
book_of_daniel: (head crusher)
With the snow falling outside, three days off ahead of me, and a pantry full of delightful munchie things, I am today officially luxuriating at home in flannel sleeping pants, a big fleece shirt, and my favorite new buzzing, vibrating, twirling toy.

It's quieter than the last one and while it's supposed to be "eco friendly" how many of us really look for that in buzzing, vibrating, twirling toys?

Gutter people.  Pull your minds out of it.

Yesterday Lowes delivered my new High Efficiency - Eco Friendly Whirlpool Cabrio washing machine.  Today I'm taking it for it's first test drive.  Sure it's brand new and had great reviews online, but seriously, I have my doubts.

Last month my old washing machine began to die and it did not go quietly into the night.  Of course, since it was a Craig s List purchase three years ago for $100 bucks I didnt mind so much.  Like leaving a hooker sore and exhausted, I'd gotten my money's worth out of it. 

...and so began a month of researching, obsessing, and general OCD related mania about the washer replacement.  Sales ads were memorized.  Sales people were left weeping tears of blood in my consumeriffic frenzied wake.  I became the Tasmanian Devil of appliance sales.

To make things worse, the old washer didnt just die.  It was DYING...which meant I had time to go over every option 10 or 12 times in my fevered brainpan.  I had the OCD luxury of basking in the decision and delaying it for a long as possible thereby prolonging both the pleasure and the pain of my own neurosis.

I had time....that is until I didn't anymore.  I had time until the old washer finally gasped it's last breath and dervished it's last load Saturday night and passed beyond the veil.  And so it was with a heavy heart that Sunday morning I compacted all my obsession into a little mental cube and went to Lowes and laid down the Emergency Credit Card of Power. 

Once the deed was done I seriously wanted a cigarette. 

I had a model picked out two weeks ago.  A lovely Samsung model that had amazing reviews. I even went to buy the damn thing but every Lowes in the area was temporarily sold out of the model I wanted.  It was that day that the huge scrotum'd sales bear cub.....

...seriously...it was like he was trying to cover a bowling ball with a handkerchief...

...presented me with the option of a super duper top of the line clearance set of Samsung appliances.  Do you know those appliances at department stores you walk by and look at and just laugh because they're priced so ridiculously high?  Yeah.  These were that set.  The washer was originally $2100 and the dryer was $1800.  They had more bells and whistles than a bells and whistles factory.  The controls made the space shuttle look user friendly.  The washer had a silver bar to oxidize the water at lower temps.  And they were lavender and gorgeous and I admit I got a little wood going.

They were also on clearance. 

"These are the last of this model in the entire Ohio area" big scrotum'd salesguy said.  "The washer is on clearance for $1300 and the dryer is on clearance for $999.  I can make a call though and I can give them both to you for $1000."

My credit card screamed but my soul went "sproing".

He also had two matching stands for the set for $200 dollars a piece but offered them to me both for $150.  Bastard.

I didn't jump.  I didn't buy them.  I had to go home and research and regroup.  I practically ran screaming from the store in tears like a big bossomed girl being chases in a horror movie though.  Committing to spending five or six hundred dollars for a washer stung like a bee sting but an impulse buy of $1200 could potentially put me in the garage hanging from the rafters like a pinata. I had to think.

"Buy the damn things or I'll disown you!" my mother commanded after hearing the story.  "They sound WONDERFUL and what a price!"  Her voice dripped with the familiar sound of appliance lust.  (I didn't sleep for days after the call.  I dare not close my eyes in fear that tone of voice would return to haunt me.)

....and I almost did.  The reviews for them were great.  Lowes was having an 18 month zero percent offer.  The stars seemed to be aligned. In the end, however, I just couldn't do it.  I just couldn't justify a $1300 dollar purchase...$1000 for the set...$150 for the stands...$150 for a five year warranty which I'd have to buy for something this expensive..plus tax...no matter HOW good the deal was. 

The sad thing though?  The truly pathetic part of this story?  I still want them. I still want to go back for them.  I think I hear them calling my name.

Lord I'm weak.

Anyway, the new washer is buzzing it's way through it's first load right now in the next room.  It sounds very odd compared to the old agitator style of washer I'm  used to.  It's supposed to use 2/3's less water and spin clothes out so dry that dryer time is cut in half to save even more power.  We'll see.  I have seven days to test it out and call Lowes to come take it back if it doesnt perform well.  It would be a big pain in the ass but it could be done...

...and then I'd be free to get my lavender lovelies.  My fighter pilot cleaning dreams.  My set of diamonds for the basement.

Who knew washing clothes could make you feel so dirty...

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